HAPPINESS MY ORDEAL

InSpired

PROGRAMMED FOR SORROW:

 HOW .CHRIST.DELIVERED  ME!

My background programmed me for  a lifetime of sorrow. Sadness  was to me as an unavoidable companion.

 I know my case is not special  because  there are millions out in the Society  with worse ordeal but l share mine to tell of the goodness of God to me and how he delivered my Soul from Sorrow. 

It was as if the devil. programmed my life and destiny .for sorrow of heart from its inception. But praise God that Jesus Christ found me and gave me everlasting joy!

I am the last daughter in the family and l had only one sibling, a believer who died giving birth to her last son.  I was born in Ajegunle, Lagos State. 

Most of my.childhoid narration, l got from my late father especially the account of how my mother left him for another man.  But l did not have the opportunity to meet my mother to give an account of her own side of the narrative. 

Any hurting man may give an account to justify his actions so we may need a second narrative to get the true picture of events 

My father told me that my mother wanted to leave him for another man when she was carrying my  pregnancy but family intervention made her  stayed until l was age three ( or thereabout) when they legally divorced in a law court. This bitterness  of heart caused him to completely  cut off any communication with my mother  or her family.

So as a girl and till date, l don't know my mother's maiden name; l don't know any member of her family and l can't possibly remember or recognise her if l meet her on the Street.

I harboured unforgiveness towards a mother l never knew.  As a girl, l usually tell  people my mother is dead, and l told that story for so long, that l did not bother to change it  as an adult.

A mother,  you can either rrecognise or have   met any of her family or even know their name to be able to trace them is certainly dead to you.

So  between age three,-five;  l was  taken up by my late Aunty ( my father's elder sister ), who lived in Festac while my late sister was taken to Sapele to live with another aunty. This separation in location also influenced our future:  From Festac to Isolo when my Aunty's daughter got married then to Orile, to Oshodi and then to live with a Moslem family who were not relatives when my aunty relocated with her husband, then back to my father as a teen

All aunties were kind and brought me up as a daughter so sorrow was kept locked up for a while.. But my aunty had to make the decision to return me to my father to encourage him to remarry and spend his income wisely. The door to the hell of sorrow was throw open and it almost drowned me .

Though my late father did his best  to nurture his kids but his best was ruled by a wrong parenting mindset. Obviously, he was also fighting his demons.  He had to turn to alcohol to silent the sorrow in his Soul. 

He remained unmarried till his death;  he was an absentee father who only came home once or twice a month, to give stipends that last only a few days or thereabout.

 He believed everyman for himself and extended this mindset to his kids.  He is fond  of saying " I don't need any child to take care of me when l am old, '. Therefore he saw no need to care for his children. ( This is a selfish mindset programmed by hell). So my beautiful late sister  became the bread winner for the family for a while.

HOW I TRIED TO DEAL WITH SORROW NATURALLY.

I started my sorrow therapy  as a teenager by turning to reading novels. l was addicted to Mills and Boon, Harlequin, Pacesetters etc as a means to silent the pains and sorrow in my heart.

While my late -father turned to alcohol to deal with sorrow, l turned to romantic novels and secular love songs I was looking for happiness in the wrong places  and got it in this "Happily Ever" songs and novels.. 

Also, I tried to deal with sorrow with food.  Hunger and starvation were a part of my teen, so food became my natural saviour anytime l was sad even as a believer. 

Anytime, l was sad and depressed as an adult , l would go to an Eatery and buy my heart's delight with compulsory ice-cream. The meal is not complete without a creamy  salad and  ice-cream. 

Automatically, l feel a momentarily  happiness that does not deal with the root problem of sorrow. 

TO BE CONTINUED

A.L. Hephzibah.