A WOMAN IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE

InSpired

Love is the best lubricants for human relationship

 When you consider the hardship and uncertainty of living under the Sun, then you question the essence of human existence.

You are bo n, you grow up, you work very hard, become very rich and have wonderful hildten, then one day, you wake up on the other side of externality.

You have left all you toiled and labour for many years. So what is the will of the Father for humanity. Did God created the Earth to be a place of killings, sorrow and grief.

Lets return to Genesis 1-3 and examine he the law of first mention. Before God created the first man and woman and put them in the garden. God ensured everything they needed for a life if ease and enjoyment was given.

This shows the will and benevolence of the Father. The fact that God created all things ngs for man's enjoyment was also revealed in 1 Timothy 6:17-19

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 

There is two explicit witnesses in the Bible that God did not intend man to live in pain and suffer. What does a good God has to gain from the pain of man.

But Genesis reveals the source of pain to humanity.

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “ Genesis 3:13-19

The Woman listened to the Evil genius whose eternal mission is to steal, kill and destroy and thus pain, destruction was introduced into the World.

The Wedding Day and happiness is ordained by God to last for a lifetime. The Bible readings ghrly says ' He who finds a wife obtains favour from the LORD. Favour is a good factor in the life of any man. Either favour obtained purely as a gift of mercy from God or favour obtained as a result of human efforts. 

Marriage is created for joy an not for sorrow and sadness.

Leah was created by God and she is beautiful and wonderfully made by Him. Rachel and Leah were begotten by the same parents; it means the resemblance is a matter of who they looked like: theri mother or father.

Jacob in the other hand is coming from a family of very beautiful women. The grandmother of Jacob called Sarah was extricately beautiful. She had to he kind of beauty that enthralled Kings. Rebecca too was beautiful.

Therefore a stronghold has been built in the mind and heart of Jacob for the kind of wife he desires and want.

Secondly, Jacob was close to the mother and had heard the story of how Eliezer got the mother Rebecca to be a wife for Isaac; Jacob's Father. So when it was Rachel he met at the Wall, he felt his prayers were answered.

But he forgot that Elixer case was different. Elixer prayed for the special circumstances that surrounded Elixer. First Abraham prayed that God's angel will do the searching. Secondly, Elixer specially asked for that circumstance.

"Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 

"See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.

 May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’ —let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. 

By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder.

 She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. The woman was very beautiful, 

Jacob did not offer such specific prayers or request for that specific template. This is why you must be extremely careful.on the marriage template you follow.

Divine provision knows all things and always put that into consideration especially in an issue of marriage . The tradition in Laban's house was that the first daughter must get married before the last daughter. Laban knew this fact and our heavenly Father also knew this fact but Jacob did not know obviously.

Probably if Joseph had involved God in the choice of marriage partner, God would have counsel him to wait or advice him to marry Leah for she will begot Judah whose Name will be associated with God's earthly ancestral. The Bible does not speak clearly on this matter but we can rightly deduct from factors in the story.

Therefore Leah was plunged into a loveless marriage. A marriage where her husband felt she was forced on him because maybe nobody else wants marry. We are sure Leah would be very happy when Jacob came to their household. She would have believed God has answered her prayers because it was her turn to be married. But alas her husband sees her as a burden and not a blessing. He showed her by his actions that she was forced on him and he would not have married her if he had a say l n the matter.

Instead of receiving her as a blessing, he saw her as an unwanted factor in his life.

FAVYORS THAT CAUSR A MAN NOT YO LOVE HIS WIFE.

Love is defined in the Bible as the act of showing kindness, patience, tolerance and giving happiness to another Human being. 1 Cor. 13:1. This definition is sufficient for the definition of love as Phileo, and Agape. It is a love that is a committal and not necessary feelings. You don't have to have high feelings for this kind of love. It is a love that is strictly based on a heart commitment to bring joy and show good to another Human in this case your wife or husband.

This kind of committal love desires to always do things like hatbpleases the other party. Its as a decision that a worker takes to always do things that please the master. This is a.dwcision that is not dependent on favourable or unfavourable circumstances. It says ' I will do all within my power to please you, so help me God'.

A man.and woman must have this commitall love for their spouse and this kind of love can generate the necessary feelings that the love called Eros needed.

Eros on the other hand hand is a little be based strictly on feelings. The fuel for this kind of love is feelings. When the feeling is high, the expression of love of touching, kissing, kind gestures and sweet words is very high. But when the subject is hurt and has low.fewlings, Eros cannot function.

We must understand that human are creation of words. Our lives follow the dirwctuon of your words. Try this practical exercise. Repeatly tell a person that you hate them and do not like to see them. In a matter of months you will notice that you want to avoid seeing that person. Secondly, you will not have happy feelings when you see them.

It's just as you don't like picked Ng the calls of certain perwon because you have programmed your mind though thoughts that their calls are a.burden to you. So when your phone screen carries their name, your feelings go down and you will have to force happiness into your voice to speak to them.

This happens because you have feed your mind with negative thoughts about them ànd this negative thoughts affects your feelings about them.

If we will learn to think about what is pure, true, lovely and of good reports about all men especially our spouse, our thoughts about them will.alwayw be good and our feelings will follow our positive thoughts.

So Jacob did not have this high feelings about Leah but he had high feel about Rachel because of the stronghold of negative thoughts: Leah was forced on me, it was Rachel l wanted.

Many contemporary relationship situation carries this logo. The man or woman is forced into a marriage relationship beyond their control. Maybe a friend, family member introduced them. And the man felt let me just get married. His or her feelings were not spilling over but it was just a logical decuauin. Maybe the woman had a good job, or from a wealth background. The marriage was based on what the man and woman hoped to glean from the relationship.

Both parties can show exuberant feelings initially at the courtship period but everyone returns to their normal self when the marriage register is signed. The mask are off and partners reveal their true characteristics.

We will not discuss maybe because the lady get pregnant before the weeding night because.the Bible condemns fornication and pre marital sex.

2. The high feelings if love can be ectinguish tooo when the woman or the man does not speak gracious words in the home. Words are the lubricants for the human soul and spirit. Cruel.words can crush a.man's soul.and research has shown that the marriage relationship is a place where verbal.abuse is highest. 

The wife uses unkind words to the husband and the husband inturn uses foolish word on his wife. Unkind words can crush the feels ngs of love esp cially in a woman:s heart. Then her love making with her husband is a routine and not a source of joy and happiness.

Unkind words have been known to.crush the feelings if love in a.marriage situation

King David desired and love Michael so much that he requested that she should be taken from her husband and brought back to him as his wife.

But the day Michel ridiculed him publicly because of his dancing moves; that was the last heard about Michel. Unkind words can kill.

A man and woman must learn to speak gracious words at all times. 

WHAT SGOULD A WOMAN IN THAT KIND OF MARRIAGE TO DO!

1. Cry Out to The God who holds the Heart of Kings in His hand. Such woman should not try to win the man's attention, kindness and goodwill by her own strength or manipulation. She should commit the heart of her husband to God and asked God to break down every strainghild, mindset that makes it difficult for her husband to love her.

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. 

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  James 3

A FALL IN HUMAN CHARACTER: Men and woman are creation of attractions. We are easily moved by what we see; the five sensory organs intends to control our actions.

Excerpt for the cases of arranged marriage, a man is usually attracted to a woman b cause of what he heard about her, what he saw in her. It may be her physical beauty, it may be her wealth , it may be her family name, it maybe her fear of God ( a Christian man) but you are always drawn by something.

It is only a few men that are drawn because of their relationship with the Holy Spirit.  They have trained themselves to always follow the leasing and nudging of the Holy Spirit.

But you are drawn to a member of the opposite sex for a particular reason and mostly these reasons are informed by the ideas you have stored in your mind over time

 Maybe from your parents, fri nds marraige, something you read and saw. There are ideas already store in your mind.

I remember that as.a young lady l vowed never to have anything to do with indigenes of Ondo state. I heard a story of one of my aunties who married into an Ondo family and was maltreated . So l spoke l will never have anything going on o do with them.

But God of all mercies, delivered me from this ignorant vow. I was posted to Ondo State for my NYSC and have be n there.since. Mindset is very powerful and we must always identify how it affects our d visions in life. Many are held bound by wrong mindset.

So if the source of attraction of a man to you is the way you dress but after marriage you stopped dressing that way, it may affect the way a.man/ woman feels about you.

So.whwn we stop doing what was responsible for the attraction, it may affect the flows of feelings in the home. Revelation 2 says if we want to retain our first love then we must go back to doing those things we did at first.

DEMONIC ATTACK.

We establish at the begining of this writing that Satan is the source of all pains and wickedness. In essence when God introduced pain to a person' s life or nation, it is pain as a result of God's judgement.

Judgement is inevitable if you transgress against God's Word and His way. Satan will attack anything good excerpt of it is a sewming good to achieve his purpose and carry out his agenda.

The marriages of believers are his primary attack because in Christian Marr age, God is supposed to be king and His will established on Earth as it is in heaven. Moreso, a Christian home is the number one platform through which the gospel of our LORD Jesus Christ must be propagated.

Every Christian spouse especially the woman must learn how to fight the good fight of faith. You must remain on your knees and keep on speaking aloud the Word of faith that you believe. 

Your relationship must be in point with the Holy Spirit because He is the One who will help you take care of the invisible nword and enable you through his anointing to truumph over the works of darkness and he'll.

Without the Holy Spirit , we cannot do much.

The devil will do all he can yo frustrate your marriage but you must use the Word of God to keep him back in his defeated position as Jesus Christ guaranteed.

HOW TO RECREATE A LOVING FEELINGS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Leah was in a loveless marriage; her husband do not give her attention, his own attention was on Rachel. Obviously, Rachel was in control of her husband sex life. Though Leah gave her husband sons- what should make a man happy and gravitate towards you, it seem the joy of Jacob did not increase his love for Leah because the Bible noted that ' when God saw that Leah was not loved, God opens her womb. Probably Leah and Rachel were ordained to suffer the same thing that Isaac and Abraham his father suffered; delay in child bearing.  But because Leah was not loved, God intervened on her behalf and she had children early. It was Rachel who was loved and had a bad attitude towards Leah that suffered the plight suffered by Rebecca and Sarah.

In Leah's cars, the only Being who could work a change of heart in the husband and that will be permanent is The Almighty who knew she was not loved. Obviously, Laban could do nothing about this issue probably because of culture. Another person that would have helped speak to Jacob and that he would listen is Rebeccah his mother and she is far away where she cannot intervened.

The only person that could help her is the God of Israel. Obviously, the husband had not taught her about the God of his fathers. So.she kept on trying all means to get her her husband's attention. When she noticed non was working, she resolve to her fate and turned.her love to God. This she did by naming her four son Judah- now l will praise the LORD.

As believers, God must be our first source of help in any situation. When we cry out to.God, our Father first, then He will raise all the other helpers we need. There will be challenges in marraige just as there are challenges in life but with the help of our Father we will.surely prevail.

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! ALWAYS FOR YOUR SPOUSE

We have observed that when you continually pray for a person, your heart is favourable disposed to them. Naturally, you develop good feelings for the man, woman and child you pray for. There are some set of children in my street . Normally, l go to their house and teach them the scriptures. But l notice anytime, l see them on the street, my heart swells with joy and l greet them with greet happiness. That is the power of prayers.

The partner you pray for regularly, will always have a special place in your life. I remember what my former boss usually say. She would say " anytime l am making my husband meals, l would pray in tongues and proclaim my husband will always love me, that l will always find favour in his sight, l will only do him good all the days of his life and not him, he will always have confiden e in me. ( I added my own prayer point to hers)

Our LORD Jesus Christ said ' that the people of this world are wise in their generations. An unbelieving woman will go to an herbalist and ask for a love charm. Though, the herbalist knows nothing about the demonic world excerpt what he watches feo. Television, he will give a charm and tell her to put into her husband's food and sp ak what she wants her husband to do for her.

We have established that most of the things the Enemy does, he copied from God. He is not given the ability to create anything new. It is only man and God that has the ability to create anything new in the World.

Moreso, the Bible says with the heart you believe while with your mouth confession is made unto salvation

You desire that your husband should always love you and your home happy. Then you pray and believer it, then you must take the last step and make the right confessions to this prayers.

Even if the man is misbehaving, you must keep your confession intact, because with time if you do not doubt, the Holy Spirit will create you confession into reality.

The Bible says the mouth of the Lord has spoke it and His Spirit ( zeal) will bring it to past or perform it.

SAY IT EVEN IF YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT

Many person would say, l can't say what l don't believe yet the Bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing again. One way to build your faith for any matter is to speak aloud what you believe about that matter.

A man who speaks continually about his fear of road accident will surely build a stronghold of fear for the same and it is only a matter of time before he/she s involved in one.

You must learn to say l love you, l appreciate you, you are a source of huge blessing to my life, you are a gift from God to me, l will always love you to your spouse even if you don't feel as it at that time

 It is not hypocrisy, rather you are speaking what you believe to be the truth even if you don't feel like it at that time

 A man/woman is ensnared by their words. I'd you speak such godly words that is what you will surely see. But if you chose to speak the otherwise that is what you will.also.see. 

Happiness is our right as believers, we only need to learn how to access it. Apostle Peter was locked up in prison and he chose to sleep instead of crying or weeping at his negative lot. Paul and Silas were in prison and they chose to sing Psalms and spiritual songs to the God who can deliver them.

Happiness is a choice. Many factors would arise to make you unhappy always chose to be happy.

Only say what you want to see in the life of your spouse. You may not believe it at first but later you will start to believe it . Because saying it over and over again builds a stri ghold in your mind m

DO WHAT YOU DID AT THE BEGINING.

There was nothing Leah could about her marriage because the foundation of the marriage was very wrong and the Bible says if the foundation is destroyed what kind the righteous do. The only help was the intervention of the Almighty.

But  if your relationship started on the right foundation, always ask your spouse what he/she likes even in loving making. Then consciously, deliberately continue to do with the help of the Holy Spirit 

Marriage relationship is not ordained for divorce by God. It is meant to be a source of help to two persons while they are fulfilling their God"s given mandate of been fruitful and multupling and replenishing the Earth. 

You are in that relationship to be a source of joy and happiness to another person but on a more intimate level. NGO go to community that needs help and offer assistance without expecting a reward from the people they helped.

Likewise Marriage is a place where the Golden rule I'd obeyed fully. You do to your spouse as you want him to do to you. Woman, no matter who your husband is, you must always make him look big in public and privately. Pleasing your spouse should be your number 1 vision in the home.

A man/ woman that is pleased at home will see no need for adultery excerpt fleshly and demonically induced.

You must find out what makes him/her happy and do it. God rewards you when you bring joy and happiness to any man/ woman created in His image and likeness. You are bring joy to Him.

The Bible spoke of our LORD Jesus Christ in Acts 10:38

how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him.

A.L. Hephzibah